Today I grieve the loss of a life the was planned out. I grieve the loss of hopes, I grieve the loss of the way I WANTED my life to be. I grieve for the what might have beens and the what might never bes. I am letting myself feel sad for so many things.
At some point in time I feel like we all have this vision of what life is going to be like. Mine is far from what I thought it would be 9 years ago when I started to dream of what my life might be like with a crazy man named Cally.
My therapist ( Well Lauren's technically, but might as well be mine, I think he does more to make me feel better about everything going on in my life then he really does for her.) reminds me every week that the only way that we can be happy is to let go of the dream we had. Deal with the reality that we have been given. Life is not fair sometimes and it is harder than we want it to be some days. But I cannot dwell on what might have been and what I thought I should have.
So today, I will cry and hopefully tomorrow I will be able to face the life that has been given to me with the strength I need to have for me and for my children. I cannot let the scary unknown get to me. Head up, and keep going...
3 comments:
I don't know what your situation is right now, but I do know how you feel. When life doesn't turn out like you plan you do need time to mourn those dreams. Please call if you need to talk. I'm praying and thinking of you.
I'm with Heidi... If you need some ears to just listen to you vent and ramble on and one about anything I am here for you. I never thought of it as grieving but it is so true. When you lose the possibility of having something ever happen it is like a death of that dream. Hang in there Ashley and remember that HE will never give you more than you can handle so forget not to be patient with yourself, be happy in the now and that the LORD (and your friends) LOVE YOU!!!
Just remember that you have three beautiful girls! And like you said, keep your head up.
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