Today I grieve the loss of a life the was planned out. I grieve the loss of hopes, I grieve the loss of the way I WANTED my life to be. I grieve for the what might have beens and the what might never bes. I am letting myself feel sad for so many things.
At some point in time I feel like we all have this vision of what life is going to be like. Mine is far from what I thought it would be 9 years ago when I started to dream of what my life might be like with a crazy man named Cally.
My therapist ( Well Lauren's technically, but might as well be mine, I think he does more to make me feel better about everything going on in my life then he really does for her.) reminds me every week that the only way that we can be happy is to let go of the dream we had. Deal with the reality that we have been given. Life is not fair sometimes and it is harder than we want it to be some days. But I cannot dwell on what might have been and what I thought I should have.
So today, I will cry and hopefully tomorrow I will be able to face the life that has been given to me with the strength I need to have for me and for my children. I cannot let the scary unknown get to me. Head up, and keep going...
