My life...

I was told once by a service missionary in my ward a life lesson he had learn:
"Every Sunday I would would wrestle my son. I would scold and reprimand him for not sitting still. I would wonder why he couldn't be like the other kids sitting perfectly still, listening and being the ideal LDS child. Later we found out that our son was mildly autistic and struggled to do anything like the other kids. I cried thinking about how I treated him and how I was awful to him because he embarrassed me and frustrated me. I was so worried about what everyone else expected out of my child, that I didn't treat him the way he needed. I see you with your daughter and smile as I watch you struggle to have patience and show her love. You come every week and endure the frustration. I admire your effort and I wish I would have been better with my son." Every week I catch him smiling at me and giving me the strength I need to keep going.

It would be easy to stop coming. It really would. I endure comments of "every child can be taught to sit still." "Your child is out in the hall AGAIN." "Man does your kid ever stay in class?" I tolerate these comments as gracefully as I can and muster the strength to keep coming and enduring. It's not just at church unfortunately. Comments of "why can't you just teach her?" stab to my core and make me want to tell you to F#*% off and never talk to you again. I will always pick her ALWAYS

Do you think this is easy? I want to ask. Do you know what it is like to have a child who is a little different? Do you know how I must feel having to deal with this day in and day out? Do you know that comments like that make me feel like you are kicking me while I am already down? Do I need to tattoo a label on my child's forehead so that you will understand?

Here's her label, ADHD:

ADHD is a medical disorder, not a condition of the child's will. A child with ADHD does not choose to misbehave, not pay attention, or leave work undone. ADHD is a disability.

You want to know why she does what she does, and acts the ways she acts, there you go. It's none of your damn business, but there you go anyway. I hate that you have made me feel bad about my child. I hate that you make me doubt my parenting. I hate the way you look at me and more the way you look at her. It's easy to judge when you don't understand. She is amazing and smart and gorgeous and the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I lose sleep over her, being angry at her and frustrated at her. I lose my temper with her, I cry and cry and cry. Please say one more thing to me. Please. You have no idea what that does to me.

I love her and I will love her no matter what and nothing that you say to me, will ever change that.